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AI Mike

My friend Scott posted this article in our Slack the other day, explaining how to build an AI Twitter bot. My first inclination was to make one for our friend, Dave, who has a sizeable Twitter following. The results were pretty amusing.

The process is a bit time consuming but not terribly difficult. So of course I decided to try it with my own tweets, or at least the last 15,000 of them. The output seemed to be a mix of verbatim tweets I wrote and the most bizarre, nonsensical strings of text. To be honest, it was hard to tell the difference. Here are some highlights, all of which are extremely on-brand.

Here’s a fun thing i did at work. Don’t ask me how it works. Just look it up in code!

That moment when your wife gives you a hard time about your turkey and you point to it’s juicy bone and eat it.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I clicked on a recruiter’s website and got a polite email back, instead of a spam filter.

Startup idea: "Woj" - A basketball coach with no knowledge of the game.

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I shit all over myself.

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I discuss relocating to a new town, the etiquette of cool kids, and my efforts to cultivate an introvert.

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I make a 🤦‍♂️ baby. The cuter the better!

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I impulsively became a semi-regular visitor to my house (and my wife's, naturally)

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I thank my lucky stars and admit defeat in 2018.

When I was 15, someone dropped a dildo on my bed and I immediately knew it was a thing that worked.

It doesn’t matter. The more we die, the more power we have over the environment!

Discovered a massive collection of DMX tracks on Napster. Transferred them to a CD I bought, cut them up and put them on a single-sided surface. Took me forever but I think I have a winner!

The answer is always The Big Lebowski.

That moment... all of them.

New app idea: Couch to Cinerama. A buddy could ferry you there, but you'd have to ask them first!


  • real-time character creation
  • built with ❤️ Node.js
  • cross-platform login using your Facebook login
  • fully responsive design
  • cross-device play (on the go!)
  • listen to some Drake metaphors
  • watch some Drake videos
    still working!

Diabeetus is my spirit animal.

The more I’m learning about you, the more exasperated and annoyed I am by your failures as a developer. You aren’t a "THINKING GRAMMY AWARD DRIVE COUPONIST!”

I doodled a bunch of different logos and came up with this. I call it “Booty @GrouponDude”

Computers were meant to be the master of disguise.

Divorce is hard. People you love doing it with you.

Bulls roster now basically consists of ten 8-year-olds. Let's all go to Peru and see them succeed!” #Cavs — ESPN Deportes (@espn) February 14, 2015

My son. Naked. Sliding.

Wife: “well, I'm eating fruit instead of an artisanal donut. Yay for me!!! (As I cry into the fruit container)”


Briggs— What do you do?
Me: I make websites.
Briggs: Oh, yeah.

My whole family would be dead by now if I had bought that Samsung Gear VR.

I’m a headband guy now. The headband let's all pretend we don’t have any sort of a fucking clue how our heads work.

Absolutely loved Dark Knight Rises. The first two thirds of the movie are me, trying to get through airport security in an hour.

Has anyone ever had an interesting conversation with their parents?

Potential Pitfalls:

  1. Being a millennial with a tertiary education
  2. Being exposed to/engaged to/loved K-pop
  3. Having a millennial girlfriend
  4. Having a millennial son

“I only measure my penis with other penises.”

I do CSS so my dog can't take it down!

Me, to my 8-month-old: “I give you my power, bro!”
She: takes off mic
Teacher: laughs I promise!

I like to set the bar low and then blow people away with mediocrity.

The future’s foreskin is pretty impressive.

A typical day in my timeline:
“Life’: “We’re living out our beliefs about things like video games and social media”
“Duty”: “we do our best to express ourselves in our code, but we’re terrible at it.”
“How’d you like to open up a gaming store that only sells Game of Thrones?”
“A game of thrones conga line?”
“I would love to make that my business.”

Nothing makes me want to cry more than losing my shit on Twitter.

Somewhere Mitt Romney is standing on a chair, tearing his clothes off.

“That moment when you realize your server is pretty sophisticated and you’re all like, “gee, I can’t even use Outlook on my phone right now.”

Ever follow YouTube links until you find yourself just watching Buddy Hackett Tonight Show clips?

Joe tried to microwave fish sticks and now it smells like Spongebob took a shit in here.

What would you like to see on @XCOM?
“More guns,” you’d think.
“More money,” you’d think.
“TIL the living are much more complicated than the dead give them credit for.”

Why not just use CSS?

“I want to make movies that feel like school excursions.” - my 11yo stepson, probably

The back of my head is now covered in dog.

#livelong and thank God every day that I don’t have to divorce my wife now.

All I can think about is chopping off more people's arms than they can usefully use.

I sold my house and my wife on Craigslist. 🤷‍♂️

Let’s go to the doctor and have a colonoscopy. It’s actually quite liberating!

Hey @peterme, your farts smell like the Bat Cave. #parks #downtown #whoknew

New idea: CSS, but every character is a React component.

My mom and I have been calling each other “tittie baby” for the past half hour.

ProTip: freeze your money and buy a 3-4 month old baby. You'll thank me later.

But a Trump presidency is just a PP that says “I AM A PEE TOTALLY REPEATEDLY.”

Not wanting to hear about how your testicles got to be where they are today.

It looks like I’m streaming live on Twitch. Sorry about that.

🚨🚨🚨 NEW BLOG POST in which I implode.